Postpartum- The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
I am now two and a half months postpartum. If I were to give a rounded out answer as to how I am feeling, it would be good. But if you asked me to break everything down, you'll notice there is a reason why I say a "rounded out answer"... there are definitely some lows mixed in with the highs. As always I like to keep it real so here is the down low of what my mind and body are experiencing since giving birth.
Mentally I am feeling really good. Besides the random tear from something so absurd (hearing a disney song that reminded me of childhood- hello, hormones!) or the brief, but scary thought that I am now responsible for another human... I have not swayed from my normal self much at all. And for that I am beyond grateful. I have to admit I was nervous that I would experience the baby blues, but that is not the case. I laugh more than ever now and find that my heart is filled with so much joy- especially the older he gets. Mike and I are finally starting to connect more in our relationship and find little times to chit chat on the couch, have a glass of wine, or get a project done together. I hear when your baby turns three months old, you hit a sweet spot and I can tell we are getting closer and closer to that. Physically I am pleased with how my body is bouncing back. I am able to juuuuust fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes (with the exception of a tiny muffin top spillage) and am a couple pounds away from my pregnancy weight (wow does the scale fluctuate a lot now though! One day I am a pound away and the next week I am up three). My workouts have increased in intensity each week and am just starting to add jogging back into my routine which feels so good!
Having the little lad means not being able to just get up and go anymore. I find that I have to give myself an extra half hour to get ready with him before we leave the house (and almost always there is a diaper blow out right as my foot is out the door with him!). I also have to weigh out the pros and cons to just run errands- is he cranky, when does he have to eat again, etc. When I was pregnant I heard all the time how important it was to get your sleep in and take naps all the time. I almost started to get annoyed by how much people would say that to me, but now I get it. Sleep, I miss you. While I am happy with how my body is bouncing back in certain ways, I am not too happy with how my pelvic area and bladder are feeling. I feel very sore in that region when I work out too many days in a row or push myself too hard. My body is still healing and I have to remind myself of that more times than not. It is so easy to be overzealous in the moment, but then afterwards I pay for it. Lastly, I have diastasis recti which is a small separation in your abdominal muscles from carrying a baby. My separation is right under my belly button so I have to be careful with certain exercises. Although this is not truly considered bad, it is a bit of a bummer.
While I am able to fit into my pre-baby clothes, it doesn't necessarily mean I am comfortable in them. The other night Mike and I went on a date and beforehand I sat in front of my closet for what seemed like ever just taking clothes off the hanger, putting them on my body and ripping them off myself only to wind up in a pile on the floor... and my attitude in the gutter. I told Mike that I wanted to desperately feel comfortable in my clothes again and if that meant going out to get a couple pieces of transition clothes, than that's what it means. The next day I went on a small shopping spree just to get me through the next month or so. Speaking of clothes, I have learned to not put myself or Wesley into a nice outfit until I am absolutely ready to walk out the door. Undoubtedly spit up, drool, or a diaper blow out (oh yes it leaks!) will wind up on me and him at least two to three times per day. Oh the wash! I do wash daily now and am always surprised by the amount of items I wind up folding. Lastly, I was at the playground with my nieces the other day and we were all playing jumprope. Now I knew my role and that was to turn the rope... until my sweet Willow ask me with the cutest brown puppy dog eyes to trade spots with her. Yup, that meant jump... up and down... fast. Well, let's just say I became VERY aware of every body part I owned and how I certainly felt a lot more jiggly! I also peed a wee bit... just a bit ;)